circusofdreams

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Oxford

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Button up : Tommy Hilfiger
Jeans: American Eagle
Shoes: T.J. Maxx brand is Restricted

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So Over School

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I know I haven’t posted in awhile. I am in the last few weeks of school which leaves me no real free time. Trust me, I am ready for a break free of deadlines.

I posted this photo to my Instagram earlier and thought I would share it with each of you. I am in love with the pop of color on the waterline. It draws attention to your eyes and came make them really stand out.

Do you wear color on your waterline?

In the meantime feast your eyes on this.

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My hubby brought these beyond delicious fruits home after work. They are covered in a spicy, sweet chili.

Have you had this before?

Until next time,  stay beautiful xo

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Summer Time Fun

Okay, so I went on a shopping prowl to the local Costco. Literally every time I go in there I find a million and one things I absolutely need for my son, my husband, or myself. Today’s finds were some puzzles for Mikael. I have been scrambling to find things to keep him engaged during the summer months. I am not looking forward to the change in routine so I am preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. :)

These puzzles come from The Learning Journey International. They look very similar to the Melissa and Doug puzzles (which he has as well). I love the puzzles. 1) When you lift off the pieces on the board it gives the description of the shape, names the color, or a word that starts with that letter. 2) The colors are bright but not to chaotic. 3) The quality is good considering the fact I only paid $9.99 for a pack of two puzzles at Costco. 4) Mikael really enjoys these puzzles and was more than excited to rip the plastic wrap off and dump the pieces out to put them back in again.

So if you have a preschool or kindergarten aged child these puzzles can become pretty useful during the summer months.

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Remember it’s all about keeping your child engaged and having fun. If they aren’t having fun than they are more than likely not learning anything.

Hope all is well wherever you are! :)

xxxo

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Almost to the end…

I am proud to say that on the 13th of June I graduate from college.

I am ready and beyond excited. Great things are being accomplished and great things have yet to come…

If someone tells you that you can’t accomplish something don’t you dare believe them. Try and try again until you can be content with saying “Okay, I have truly tried”.

xxxo my loves and good night…

 

 

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My heart and soul

I started this blog to share our journey with our son Mikael who has autism. This post means I am baring my soul and opening up a wound that is healing a little more each day. I know that you have probably heard so much about autism and have read countless blogs on autism. It is true, every journey is different because every child is different. No two children are the same whether they are considered “normal” or having autism. I put the word normal in parentheses because I feel as though when they are comparing a child with autism to another child they always put an emphasis on how “normal” the other child is.

Anyways…these are my thoughts, our journey, my blood, sweat, and tears…literally.

Mikael was diagnosed on October 6, 2011. I was at the doctor’s office with our son who at the time was a little over 3. My husband had to work. My earth was rocked to it’s core. I felt as though I had lost something so near and dear to me. I had…I most definitely had. I lost the dreams that I had for our son…we lost the dreams we had for our son. Nothing changed but at the same time everything changed. Our future was now a toss up, our son’s future was now a toss up. I cried and I was in a daze for awhile. I had to tell my husband that night. I told him through text…how heroic of me right. He had known that this appointment was different that we would finally be able to put our questions to rest. We had been flip flopping for a few months if we should have a neuro developmental evaluation done. We finally decided it was time.

The day is as vivid as the day my mother died. I know it is. because it is the moment that our life changed but we didn’t know what the change meant. I asked the doctor what will change and she simply told me “Nothing, at this point in time there is nothing different to be done”. He was enrolled in developmental preschool, occupational therapy, speech therapy etc.

We wanted answers. I so desperately wanted to know what this diagnoses meant for my little boy. There are no real answers as to what causes autism. Frankly, over the past year or so I am tired of hearing all the “possible causes”. All I know is that he has autism and we love him and we are doing everything we can.

He is an amazing little boy. He has come so far from where we were on October 6th. It hasn’t been easy. I have had meltdowns with my son. I have had to lock myself in my room during my son’s meltdowns so that I can breathe and figure out what the hell I am going to do next. I have cried at night wondering how things will be tomorrow or how things will be 10 years from now. My husband has cried and wondered the exact same things.

We had to let go of the dreams we had for him. We have to and are creating new dreams and taking it one day at a time instead of worrying about the unknown future. Mikael has become our greatest teacher…

We are sure of a few things:

We love him unconditionally with or without the autism diagnosis.

We are and will do everything we can to help him be successful.

He has autism and we don’t know what caused it and we are tired of hearing about all the “possible causes”.

Some days are hell and some days are a dream. However, whose life doesn’t have ups or downs?

Some of the things we do to help him may not make sense to the rest of the world. But they make sense to him and us.

That’s all for tonight. Little man is currently gathering his books and bear to be read to and fall asleep…

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Try…Again

I am trying and that is all that matters.

I hit a breaking point today. I couldn’t bear it anymore. My patience has been worn to the bone. I released it all. I let all my frustration, worry, doubt, anger, and guilt go. I had to release it. I felt like I was in a casket locked full of all these emotions. I had to break free. I had to let it all go. One can only be expected to take so much before they snap. I have come to realize that sometimes the best thing that you can do is try. Do not stop trying and maintain your hope and faith in whatever it is you are trying for. 

Today is 12.12.12. Have you made your wish?

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Motherless

I am a daughter with no mother.

My world was shattered over a decade ago and I am still attempting to salvage all the pieces. The pain of losing someone never goes away. It only becomes easier to accept over time…

Death has changed me.

It stripped me of everything I knew and than became a part of me.

My mother’s death defined me. She defined me. In the 11 years she was with me she taught me more than what most people learn in their lifetime. I always wonder how life would be if she were still here…

Her life and death taught me many things. It was a gift and a tragedy.

Love the ones you love unconditionally. Good Night.

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College According to the Non-Traditional Student

I prefer taking online classes. This fall quarter I took 23 credits and all my classes were online. Below are a few reasons why I prefer online classes instead of traditional classes.

  1.  Flexibility. Being a parent, spouse, student, and employee can be very hectic. Online classes can be accessed anywhere and anytime. I believe that online classes are more appealing to the non-traditional student.  The option of online schooling has made it easier for me, and other students, to prepare for the future and enjoy present time.
  2. You become the teacher. Instructors are not always readily available which causes them to be more of a support system. In turn, that requires the student to participate and become their own teacher.
  3. Acquired skills can be used for life. Organization, discipline, and self- motivation are the most essential skills I have acquired from taking online classes. These skills may sound natural, and for some they are, but for me I had to learn and perfect them. Perfecting these skills has helped me not only be successful in my education, but all areas of my life.
  4. Improved writing skills. Writing is the main form of communication in online classes. Being clear, concise, and using correct grammar are necessary for being successful. I have found that my writing has improved and I am able to make my point more clear and concise.

 

 In conclusion, online courses have made my life more manageable and receiving a degree achievable.

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My Prologue

Sleep eludes me.

This quarter of school is almost done and I am so grateful for that.

I read a quote today said by William Shakespeare:

“What is past is prologue.”

Your past is the beginning to your future. Have you ever read a phrase, sentence, or even a book and fell in love with each word that was written? That is how I feel about this quote. Without the past I wouldn’t be striving for anything that I am striving for right now. I am so grateful for my past experiences wonderful and terrible because they have helped mold me into who I am now. I am not perfect, nor do I ever want to be perfect. I am a work in progress and I always will be. I find peace in knowing that I will never know all there is to know. I learn new things everyday about myself and the world around me.

As for now, I am going to go make some chai tea and relax.

Have a great night and I hope you are reaching for your dreams.

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Insert Batteries Here

I wish I had an ounce of energy my son had. Just one ounce. This kid can run on 4 hours of sleep and be as energetic as if he just had a gallon of straight caffeine. There is so much to be done and I am not motivated to do a single thing. At 4 a.m. I was doing research as to why children with autism don’t sleep very well. Various things throw off my son’s sleep 1) being sick 2) change of routine 3) things he ate during the day and 4) the typical child fights their sleep at a certain age. I came to the realization that nothing was going to come up that I didn’t already know or have heard his doctor speak to us about. We tried melatonin for a few nights I didn’t like how he was while he was on it. He seemed more irritable the nights he took the melatonin than the nights he did not. I just didn’t see the benefits of giving it to him religiously every single night. It works great for some children but every kiddo is different. I am hoping that after he gets over this runny nose his sleeping patterns will turn back to normal because I am running on fumes.

On another note…

While scrolling through my Facebook news feed today I came across a post made by Autism Daddy who is another blogger that can be found here

http://autism-daddy.blogspot.com/

This is what the post read.

What They DIDN’T Tell Me About My Child’s Autism
By Ariane Zurcher

Here are some things you will not find in your research on autism….

You will not learn how this diagnosis will affect your marriage or other members of your family. You will not be told how it may fundamentally alter your perceptions of what is “normal,” how it may change your view of human beings, how it can force you to quest

ion small talk and why we behave the way we do, how it will transform your outlook on life, how it will change you, how your life and everything you assumed to be true, is no longer what you thought.

Having a child with autism may cause you to feel things you never dreamed possible. You may know moments of joy and moments of despair you could not have imagined. You may find yourself going to untold lengths in the hope of helping your child. You may feel distracted, unable to concentrate. Your work and career may suffer. You may learn what it is to be sleep deprived. You will come to know what it means to feel desperation. You will know sorrow in a way no one can prepare you for. You will know happiness in a way no one can prepare you for. Sometimes you may feel both sorrow and happiness within the same day, within the same hour, within the same minute.

You may spend money you do not have on yet another treatment, yet another doctor, yet another specialist, yet another therapy, yet another intervention, all the while rationalizing that if it helps, it will all be worth it. You may contemplate doing things you would have scoffed at before your child was diagnosed. You may find yourself trying things that defy logic and have no medical basis. You may listen to implausible, anecdotal stories and think — we will try that next. You may dream your child is speaking to you in full, complex, beautifully self aware and revealing sentences. You may wake from those dreams believing for a few seconds they were real and not a dream. You will pray that you might dream again. You will welcome sleep, as you never believed possible. You may ache with sadness because your child is crying and in pain and your presence brings them no solace. That ache may become unbearable when your child hits themselves in the face, bites their own arm or hand, punches their own legs or stomach. You may question every maternal instinct you have.

You may feel ecstasy from being hugged, unprompted. You may feel the exquisite joy from having your child reach for you, ask for you or look at you. You may know the joy that comes from seeing your child work so hard at something that does not come easily to them. You may celebrate when they use the bathroom unaided, drink from a cup, sleep for more than a few hours without waking you, try a new food or simply acknowledge your presence. You may feel a gratitude you would not have believed possible. You may cry from happiness when they say a word, any word, even if you are the only person who can understand what the word is. You will know what it is to appreciate commonplace things — eye contact, the correct use of the word “me,” “you” and “I,” physical contact initiated by your child, a word, any word spoken or a smile.

You will feel a fierce love for your child that seems to come from a place that is not of this world. You will know what it is to love unconditionally and you will understand what that really means.

 
This^^^ right here is how I feel. Good day to you all.
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